Why Black Women Struggle to Ask for Help — And Why That Has to Change
I want to start with a statistic that stopped me cold when I first read it.
Only one in three Black Americans who need mental health care actually receive it. For Black women specifically, the barriers are even higher — cultural stigma, cost, a shortage of culturally competent providers, and a deeply ingrained belief that asking for help is a form of weakness.
One in three. That means two out of every three of us who need support are going without it. And we are going without it not because it does not exist, but because we have been taught — explicitly and implicitly, for generations — that we are supposed to be strong enough not to need it.
Where the Strong Black Woman comes from
The Strong Black Woman is not a myth in the sense that Black women are not strong. We are. Profoundly. But strength became weaponized somewhere along the way. It became the expectation that we could and should handle everything without breaking, without asking, without needing.
Historians and psychologists point to the roots of this in the dehumanization of Black women during slavery. The Strong Black Woman became a survival necessity. And survival necessities get passed down through generations even after the context changes.
Today, that expectation has not fully released its grip. It lives in the way we were raised. In the praise we received as children for being tough. In the shame we felt the first time we broke down in front of someone.
What suppression actually does to us
Research on emotional suppression is clear and consistent: when we chronically suppress what we feel, there are measurable physical and psychological consequences. Higher rates of hypertension. Higher rates of cardiovascular disease. Compromised immune function. Greater risk of depression and anxiety disorders.
A 2022 study found that Black women who endorsed Strong Black Woman beliefs were significantly more likely to report symptoms of depression and post-traumatic stress while simultaneously being less likely to seek mental health treatment.
We are suffering more and getting help less, and the belief that we should be able to handle it alone is directly implicated in both.
Finding help that understands you
The Therapy for Black Girls directory at therapyforblackgirls.com is an excellent starting point for finding culturally competent Black therapists. Psychology Today’s find a therapist tool allows you to filter by specialty and many providers offer sliding scale fees. Open Path Collective offers therapy for $30 to $80 per session for those who qualify.
The permission slip you did not know you needed
Consider this your permission slip.
You are allowed to not be okay. You are allowed to need help. You are allowed to say I cannot do this alone. You are allowed to go to therapy, to lean on your community, to say no, to fall apart a little and then ask someone to help you put it back together.
You do not lose your strength by admitting you are human. You demonstrate it.
The strongest thing you will ever do might just be asking for help.